Are you a "Yes" person or can you say "No!"

The key to saying no is to be able to say no without saying no! Believe it or not it is possible to say no without actually saying no. People who are good at saying no can do it without feeling guilty. They don't let their heart rule their mind.

People who lack self-confidence find themselves continually under pressure because they accommodate others and say yes whenever a request is made of them. They might be lovely helpful people but the bottom line is that they can be terribly inefficient simply because they just can't say no to someone. The difficulty is that once you're seen by others as a 'Yes person', you become a magnet for them. They'll turn to you first when they need something done. You then end up doing other peoples' jobs, not your own, simply because you couldn't say no.

Think of people you know who have the confidence to say no when appropriate. The term 'when appropriate' is important here - you're thinking of people who have achieved the right balance i.e. people who say yes when they think it's right to do so, but also have the confidence to say no too.

Would you describe any of these people as negative, uncooperative or selfish just because on occasions they say no to a request? I would guess not because they've got the balance right. They'll accommodate and help when required and have the confidence to say no to someone when necessary.

So, try to remember - there's nothing negative about saying no. As long as you get the balance right, it's a fallacy to think you'll lose peoples' respect or be seen as negative.

It's easy to get into the habit of saying 'Yes' but, with practice, you can get out of it by taking some simple steps;

• Don't give the person an answer there and then (it may not seem possible but this is possible in 99% of situations - you need to try it to find out).
• Tell the person you need a little time to consider their request. Try to grab as much time as possible. Even a few seconds is better than nothing. An hour or longer is ideal (by then they might have found someone else to do the job anyway). Make sure you tell the person when you will give them an answer.
• During the time you've bought yourself, consider the following; Is this a job I should be doing or is this person just trying to get me to do it because they can't bothered to do it themselves?
• If the request is work related - Does it fall under my role and responsibility? If I say yes, how will doing this extra job affect my other priorities? If I say no, how am I going to tell the person this confidently and sensitively?

These steps should help you to make a balanced decision. You might only need a couple of minutes or less to do this for simple requests. For more complicated requests, try to buy as much time as possible.