Do first impressions really count?

Oh YES!!

It's a fact that first impressions count. Like it or not, our first impressions of people can significantly affect the way we perceive them, deal with them or even listen to them.

It takes just a very quick glance for someone to evaluate you and form a judgment when you meet them for the first time. Without even thinking consciously about it, the person forms an opinion about you. In literally just one second they're basing this on your body language, your appearance and your demeanour. That's why first impressions count. Good or bad first impressions can literally make the difference between success and failure.

These first impressions can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo. That's why it's so important to get it right. The last thing you want to be doing when you meet someone is to give away any sign that you lack self-confidence. Any negative first impressions you give will set the tone for the relationship that follows. So, regardless of whether it's in your career or your social life, giving the best possible first impressions is vital.

More often than not you'll have prior warning before you meet someone new. That means you'll have time to prepare to give the best first impression. You don't need hours for this; you don't even need minutes; just a few seconds will do as long as you know how to make the most of the time you've got. You're considering body language, facial expression, eye contact, clarity and strength of voice and posture.

In short, your sole focus during that window of time before you shake the person's hand should be on looking confident. To do this you need to employ all the traits that constitute assertive behaviour. Start this straight away the next time you meet someone new.

If you want to give the best first impressions to people, it's essential to remember names. People who remember names tend to be perceived by others as confident. It's impressive if you meet someone and they then address you by your name; it's even more impressive if they do this when you're one of a group of people they've just met.

Remembering names is a simple concept that can really help you to stand out, give the very best first impressions and be seen as a confident person. People seem to think it's much more difficult to do than it actually is; you'll have heard people say 'I'm hopeless at remembering names' - maybe you're one of these people yourself!

The main reason why people struggle to remember someone's name is that they don't register it in the first place. When you meet someone for the first time your senses are drawn mainly towards what they look like and how they behave. Without realising it, you get distracted from what they actually say. Of course, one of the first things they'll say is their name - and that's where the problem lies. You can't forget their name because you never actually heard it in the first place!

Positive thinking

Does positive thinking help your self-confidence?

There's no doubt that not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. BEWARE though! Accepting that positive thinking actually works is the first step to increased self-confidence, only then can you start to consider how to achieve it and then how to use it effectively to build your confidence and motivation.

How do you describe yourself when someone asks you if you're a positive or negative thinker or they ask if you're an optimist or a pessimist? If you're not sure, it's important to work it out.

Try asking yourself if you see your glass as half full or half empty. Half full? that's good - you're thinking the right way; you're likely to think more positively. Half empty? well, I'd like to help by sending out a little wake up call - you need to start trying to change your mindset straight away.
And don't forget - it's absolutely true that optimistic people are more likely to stay healthy and live longer than pessimists! In fact, medical studies have proved it!

If you're still not sure whether you're a positive thinker or a negative thinker, try looking back over the last year - ask yourself what you remember. You'll probably have a mixture of good and bad memories. The key here is to establish which ones are taking precedence. Where does your focus tend to be? If you're thinking mainly of good experiences, well done; you're thinking positively. If you're thinking mainly of negatives, you need to start thinking about trying to shift your mindset.

Don't forget though that negative memories have value if you can learn from them. Once that's happened and you've squeezed out everything you can learn from them, you must forget them and move on. Confident people have the self-discipline to do this. They understand the dangers of constantly dwelling on negative experiences. They won't let these negative memories overpower the positives times. In essence, confident people are good at thinking positively all the time. That's why they describe themselves as optimists!

Positive thinking is a state of mind. It's a mental attitude that helps to steer your mind towards thoughts and actions that are conducive to self-belief, self- motivation and confidence. People who demonstrate a strong mental attitude and positive mindset anticipate and look forward to fulfilment and happiness. Their self-belief and positive attitude anticipates and expects success, not failure.

Have a think about people you know who you would describe as positive thinkers - I'll bet you would also describe them as motivated people who have self-belief and self-confidence. That's because the two go together. The majority of confident people think positively.

So, if you're in any doubt about the importance of positive thinking, change your mindset now. You'll find that not alone will you feel more confident if you think positively, you'll also look more positive to others and feel more motivated.
Mike McClement

How assertive are you?

Being Truly Assertive - What does this actually mean?

For me, assertiveness is having the self-confidence to speak up and put your case forward while at the same time taking account of the other person’s viewpoint.

For this you need effective body language and a focused mind. So - true assertiveness is to do with both your behaviour and your mindset. 

Truly assertive people have the confidence to use assertive communication to influence others. They don't worry about what others will think of them but they do take this into account. They're not rude but they know that standing up for yourself is the right thing to do when you have a point to make or when you think the other person is wrong. 

 

Truly assertive people have found that critical balance between stating their case using assertive communication and taking account of the views of the other person. They've acknowledged that their own needs, wants and rights are equally as important as the other person's. They aren't just able to present their own case using assertive communication - they also have the sensitivity and moral courage to listen to the other person's case. They might even give in if they think the other person is right or has a better idea. 

People who use their self-confidence effectively understand that both passive (listening) and active (speaking) behaviour are required for assertive communication ....   However, they also know that extreme behaviour in one or the other direction can lead to you losing control of the situation. 

Being assertive also means being aware of any unusual physical habits in your body language, voice or expression when you communicate. The last thing you want to be doing is distracting the person while you're trying to stand up for yourself. You need to make it as easy as possible for them to take in your message.

People with truly assertive communication skills have already worked out if they have any distracting habits. They've also worked out a strategy to overcome them. Effective eye contact makes a huge difference when you’re trying to be assertive. It can also blow your chances if you get it wrong. I’ll be blogging about this soon.

Good Luck!

Mike