Have you struggled to keep a conversation going recently?

Keeping a conversation going requires skills in speaking and listening.

The common mistake most people make is to think that the onus is on them to do all the talking. Not so – in fact the key to keeping a conversation going is not talking but listening.

So don’t worry so much about what you’re going to say next; try paying more attention to what the other person is saying and then feed off it. In other words listen and then respond to what the other person is saying. Don't make the assumption that the onus is all on you.

Think about it ..... If you listen, you shouldn’t have to worry anymore about coming up with something to talk about. Just concentrate on what the other person's talking about and you’ve got a ready made topic without even having to think about it.

Listening comes naturally to some people but not to others; it helps of course if you're interested in what the other person is saying.  Don’t assume that you know what the other person is thinking or feeling. Instead, turn your perceptions into questions. That way, you can make sure there’s no risk of misunderstandings, you show you're interested in what the person is saying and ... you keep the conversation going. So if you listen, you can take your cues from the other person.

Here are a few more tips on keeping a conversation going;
Ask thoughtful questions rather than questions that require “Yes” or “No” answers. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and their interests. Look for clues about the person and comment on them. For example, if the person’s carrying a book, ask what they’re reading.

If you know you’re going to be meeting someone for the first time (particularly in work situations), do some research so that you've got some background on the person. You might not have to use it but it might well come in handy in terms of what you’ve got in common. For example if you've discovered through linkedin say that one of the person’s hobbies is skiing, then you might well be able to’manufacture’ an opportunity to raise the subject ... then hopefully the person will show an interest and the conversation starts to flow.

On the other hand you might discover some useful work-related background information that comes in handy during the conversation. So, if you’ve worked out that you and the person have something in common, try to work those things into the conversation.

Use your body language too -
Make eye contact to show your interested. Good eye contact is the key to conveying interest, concern, warmth and credibility. Bad eye contact does exactly the opposite and can be hard to retrieve.

Smiling also helps. A simple smile is a powerful cue that transmits friendliness, warmth, and approachability.

Use gestures such as head nods to show the person you’re listening. and get your posture right; for example, slouching might not send the right message.