THIS BLOG HAS MOVED

Hi, just to let you know that my blog has moved to my new website www.think-confidence.com.  See you there!

http://www.think-confidence.com/blog

Be aware of your facial expressions!

Your facial expressions speak  a thousand words!

Your facial expressions can convey a whole host of messages to people about your emotions, your feelings, your confidence levels and your interpretation of their message. Some people are naturally very expressive and open in their facial expressions. Others tend to be less expressive and more ‘private’ – these people don’t give much away at all in terms of what they’re thinking or how they’re feeling.

The human face is incredibly expressive. It can communicate countless emotions without even saying a word ... and unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and dislike are the same across cultures.

Try thinking for a moment about how much a person can convey with just a facial expression. For instance a frown can signal dislike or confusion, whereas a smile can indicate approval or understanding. And don’t forget of course that sometimes, your facial expressions can reveal your true feelings about something without you realising. During a meeting You might say you’re happy and you understand what to do, but the look on your face may tell people otherwise.

Try watching people you know who are good at speaking in public – look carefully at their facial expressions – simple actions like a raised eyebrow, a smile or just a sideways glance can make a huge difference to the message they want to send out.

So being expressive and using your face to maximum  advantage is an essential part of good body language. It helps you to clarify your message, use less words and communicate your emotion.

Don’t forget too to watch out for any negative facial expressions you may be making. Some people naturally have a rather deadpan expression which others may read to indicate insensitivity or disinterest – whereas in fact it means nothing of the sort. It’s just the impression the person gives through their natural expression. You’ll need to bear this in mind this in mind if it’s true of you and think about using your facial expressions to give a more positive message.

So good luck with your facial expressions!

Mike McClement

Improving your posture and stance

Posture and stance exercises

Some people have a way about them that just makes them stand out. But why? Quite often it’s to do with their posture. That’s because the way you hold yourself has a major impact on your body language and the perception people have of you. You don’t need to say anything to give a negative impression; poor posture can give it away on its own.

This simple exercise can make a massive difference to the way you hold yourself. You’ll need a mirror for the exercise, preferably a full-size one so that you can see your whole body.

So - You need to stand in front of the mirror – but, before you do that, focus on making a conscious effort to stand naturally, just as you normally would.

Now look at yourself – have a really good look and ask yourself a simple question: ‘Do I look confident?’

If you don’t think so or you’re not sure, try experimenting a little – These tips should really help –

1. Try holding your head up.
2. Consciously push by getting your chin up to do this
3. Then breathe in and push your chest out a little
4. Keep your back straight
5. Then push your shoulders back.  Your aim is to look relaxed and yet aware and proud.
6. The simple act of positioning one foot slightly in front of the other can make a difference, try it to see what I mean. This can help you to look more confident when standing in front of or within a group. The alternative is to ‘plant’ yourself with both feet on the same line. Try this too and you’ll see that it doesn’t look quite so natural and probably doesn’t feel so natural either.
7. Always make sure you have a small gap between your feet when you’re standing; you’ll look rather stiff and tense if you keep them tight together.
8. Try to distribute 40 per cent of your weight through your heels and 60 per cent throughout the ball of your foot and your toes. This brings your body position slightly forward and helps you to look more alert and interested.
9. If you’re presenting to a group, as long as you don’t march up and down, there’s nothing wrong with moving a little as you talk. It’ll help you to look more relaxed. It should also help you to engage everyone in the group; Try moving your body to face people when you look at them, perhaps when asking or answering a question. Even if it’s just your upper body this can help to create a stronger link with them and send a confident message.

These simple changes in your posture and stance will help you to look and feel more sure of yourself.
They’ll also help you to look more prominent. The reason for this is simple – having an open posture automatically takes up more space. It sends a physical message that you’re not afraid. It also stops you looking defensive or shy.

Mike McClement

What is real assertiveness?

How assertive are you?

For me, assertiveness is having the self-confidence to speak up and put your case forward while at the same time taking account of the other person’s viewpoint.

For this you need effective body language and a focused mind. So - true assertiveness is to do with both your behaviour and your mindset.

Truly assertive people have the confidence to use assertive communication to influence others. They don't worry about what others will think of them but they do take this into account. They're not rude but they know that standing up for yourself is the right thing to do when you have a point to make or when you think the other person is wrong.  

Truly assertive people have found that critical balance between stating their case using assertive communication and taking account of the views of the other person. They've acknowledged that their own needs, wants and rights are equally as important as the other person's. They aren't just able to present their own case using assertive communication - they also have the sensitivity and moral courage to listen to the other person's case. They might even give in if they think the other person is right or has a better idea.

People who use their self-confidence effectively understand that both passive (listening) and active (speaking) behaviour are required for assertive communication ....   However, they also know that extreme behaviour in one or the other direction can lead to you losing control of the situation.

Being assertive also means being aware of any unusual physical habits in your body language, voice or expression when you communicate. The last thing you want to be doing is distracting the person while you're trying to stand up for yourself. You need to make it as easy as possible for them to take in your message.

People with truly assertive communication skills have already worked out if they have any distracting habits. They've also worked out a strategy to overcome them. Effective eye contact makes a huge difference when you’re trying to be assertive. It can also blow your chances if you get it wrong.

So why not give it a go ....  Be more assertive!

Mike McClement

Breaking habits

Ever struggled to break a habit? Breaking habits is a lot easier if you know how

First thing to say is don't worry about it - we all fall into bad habits every now and then. But how do you get out? How can you get better at breaking habits?

Not wishing to get too dramatic about it but breaking a bad habit or getting into one of the good habits I blog about really can mak a huge difference to your confidence levels. I know this because they have actually changed the lives of some of the people I've worked with.

There are a few essentials to reflect on first though if you struggling with bad habits;

• Don't try to do too much at once. Tackle one habit at a time.
• Commit to the habit for 21 days, no less. It takes 21 days to get used to the change and for the habit to form.
• Write down what it entails and what changes you will have to make in your lifestyle.
• Tell people about it, don't keep it secret - that way you'll feel more accountable.
• Track your progress carefully, each day. Keep a diary of events.
• Think about how you can reward yourself when you succeed.
• If you fail, work out why and then try again.
• Never, never, never give up.

OK, so what's first? ... pretty simple really; you need to flick a switch. You need to flick the switch in your head. It's 'off' at the moment. 'Off' means you'll carry on as normal ... in a rut. 'On' means accepting that change is going to happen. You'll never be able to flick the switch though if you don't start thinking positively.

So, good habit Number 1 is Commit yourself

But how?
Commitment comes through self-discipline and positive thinking. Without these, you'll have no chance with any of the other habits you take on. I worked this out when I failed at writing my first book. I failed for one simple reason; I fell into the trap of thinking negatively about it. Eventually I successfully convinced myself that it was a bad idea; I didn't have enough time, knowledge, expertise, ability, self-discipline .....

But when I learnt how to ignore negative thoughts and focus on the positives instead, it wasn't long before Id made a start. Personally, I learnt a lot from this experience - so much that it's helped me with other good habits. In fact, I'd say it's been invaluable. I certainly wouldn't be writing this blog for instance - I would have already convinced myself that it wasn't worth it because nobody will read it. WRONG!

To take on the habit of positive thinking, you'll need self-discipline. Be more aware of when you start thinking and talking negatively. Make a note of when this happens and when you're most vulnerable. Then correct yourself. Do this religiously until you're in the habit. One tip is to stay away from negative people; they'll just make it more difficult for you. So mix with positive people - you'll see a big difference in your own behaviour just by doing this.

Good Luck!
Mike McClement

Personal Development Learning Platform

Just to let everyone know that our new Personal Development Learning Platform is almost ready. It's revolutionary! .. and we're really proud of it!

It'll be packed with helpful personal development learning resources. You can access a huge variety of engaging material in all sorts of different formats - the whole idea being that YOU take control of your own personal development, wherever & whenever you want.
Choose from videos, courses, personality tests, top tips - you can even have your own personal mentor!

Drop me an email if you'd like to find out more - then I'll can contact you straightaway when the platform is fully available.

Hope you like it!

Mike McClement

Do first impressions really count?

Oh YES!!

It's a fact that first impressions count. Like it or not, our first impressions of people can significantly affect the way we perceive them, deal with them or even listen to them.

It takes just a very quick glance for someone to evaluate you and form a judgment when you meet them for the first time. Without even thinking consciously about it, the person forms an opinion about you. In literally just one second they're basing this on your body language, your appearance and your demeanour. That's why first impressions count. Good or bad first impressions can literally make the difference between success and failure.

These first impressions can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo. That's why it's so important to get it right. The last thing you want to be doing when you meet someone is to give away any sign that you lack self-confidence. Any negative first impressions you give will set the tone for the relationship that follows. So, regardless of whether it's in your career or your social life, giving the best possible first impressions is vital.

More often than not you'll have prior warning before you meet someone new. That means you'll have time to prepare to give the best first impression. You don't need hours for this; you don't even need minutes; just a few seconds will do as long as you know how to make the most of the time you've got. You're considering body language, facial expression, eye contact, clarity and strength of voice and posture.

In short, your sole focus during that window of time before you shake the person's hand should be on looking confident. To do this you need to employ all the traits that constitute assertive behaviour. Start this straight away the next time you meet someone new.

If you want to give the best first impressions to people, it's essential to remember names. People who remember names tend to be perceived by others as confident. It's impressive if you meet someone and they then address you by your name; it's even more impressive if they do this when you're one of a group of people they've just met.

Remembering names is a simple concept that can really help you to stand out, give the very best first impressions and be seen as a confident person. People seem to think it's much more difficult to do than it actually is; you'll have heard people say 'I'm hopeless at remembering names' - maybe you're one of these people yourself!

The main reason why people struggle to remember someone's name is that they don't register it in the first place. When you meet someone for the first time your senses are drawn mainly towards what they look like and how they behave. Without realising it, you get distracted from what they actually say. Of course, one of the first things they'll say is their name - and that's where the problem lies. You can't forget their name because you never actually heard it in the first place!