Just what is 'Charisma' - and how do you get it?

Why is it that some people just seem to stand out? What is it about these people that leads us to describe them as ‘charismatic’? And just what do we mean by that?

In other words … what is ‘charisma’?

It seems to be a bit of an enigma. It’s a concept we struggle to define for two reasons. Firstly, because we tend not to take the time to think about what we mean by it … when we see someone with ‘charisma’, we register it but don’t ask ourselves why we’re thinking it. And secondly, put simply - it’s a genuinely difficult concept to define.

One thing is certain though – we’d all like to have it.

So, how can you get it?

When I ask people to sum up ‘charisma’, I think the words that hit the mark best are ‘personal magnetism’ and ‘charm’. For me, they sum it up nicely; but still, even these words don’t help to explain what a charismatic person is doing to be described as such. For this, we need to dig deeper.

Having studied charismatic people carefully, it seems that they all have certain characteristics in common.

Despite the strong emotions they often induce in others, charismatic individuals project calmness, self-confidence, assertiveness, honesty, authenticity, enthusiasm and, almost always, they have excellent communication skills. These traits are supported by positive body language transmitted through their posture, facial expressions, eye contact and hand movements.

Using positive body language, communicating clearly and confidently and being passionate about your views helps you to command a presence. This draws people to you and makes them want to listen.
It’s impossible to give detailed advice in just one blog about how to be ‘charismatic’ but hopefully I’ve been able to stimulate your thoughts and give you something to reflect on.
Here are a couple more short and sharp tips -

Ø      Be genuine and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. People will respect you for it.

Ø      Think before you speak. Silence is fine when you have nothing to say.

Ø      Treat people with respect and make time to listen to their point of view.

Ø      Smile; charismatic people do this naturally.

Ø      Remember names and use them.

Ø      Show energy and enthusiasm, even when you’re not actually interested or you’re tired.

Ø      Be positive, even when the chips are down.

Ø      Support your message with positive body language. Command a presence.

Ø      Prepare properly; psyche yourself up before you next need to display charisma.

Top tip -

The next time you see someone with ‘charisma’, stop and think for a moment. Watch the person and try to get to the bottom of what they’re doing. I do this every time I see charisma … and it works. Once you know the characteristics, you can strive to copy them in your own behaviour.

Fact - Very few ‘charismatic’ people are naturally charismatic without having to try. The vast majority are just very good actors. They know how to play the part.

How do others perceive you?

How Do Other People Perceive You?

Have you ever thought about how people perceive you? I mean seriously thought about it? It's true that we all wonder what people think of us every now and then. But it's also true that we tend to wonder this through curiosity rather than for any constructive reason.

Getting to the bottom of how people perceive you is one of the essential elements of understanding how you come across to them. Once you know this, you can start to think about adapting your behaviour so that their perception of you is what you want it to be. 

To feel confident and come across assertively, you need to know how you look and sound; you need to know how you come across. You need to know how to control peoples' perceptions of you.

So - Does it really matter what others think of you?

'Who cares what people think of me!' - These might sound like the words of a confident person and to an extent the person is right to think like that. It's true that confident people don't worry as much as others might about what people think of them and how they come across. It's fine to think like this and be independent-minded but it's dangerous to discount other peoples' perceptions of you completely.

People who disregard others' perceptions of them are missing a trick. It really does matter what people think and how they perceive you - but it shouldn't be the be all and end all. The reality of life is that most people can't help but be affected by other peoples' impressions of them and therefore how people react to them. This in fact is a positive thing if considered constructively. 

The important point to remember is that if you can control others' perceptions of you, you can control how they react to you.

 

Consider also that the way other people perceive you may be very different to your self -perception. In fact, it's often the case that your self-perception can differ quite radically to the perception others have of you. In some cases it's quite striking because a person's self-perception is that they lack confidence but the perception of others is that they are confident.

There are numerous personality tests and questionnaires about self-esteem and self-confidence you can complete to help clarify whether your self-perception matches the perception others have of you.

http://www.think-confidence.com/ has 3 free questionnaires; communication style, conflict style and the Reality Check (this is an questionnaire that others complete on you anonymously - you'll have no doubt about whether your self-perception is the same as others' perception of you once they've completed the Reality Check).

Good Luck! It would be great to find out how you get on ...

Mike