Can you think on your feet?

Giving yourself time is always going to help if someone puts you on the spot. However, the reality is that, on some occasions, no matter how hard you try, you have no choice but to answer there and then.

Self-confidence is key when learning to think on your feet. Build that confidence by following these simple rules;

Knowledge - If you're going to give a reply, make sure you know what you're talking about! That doesn't mean you have to be an expert, you just have to know enough to give a qualified answer. If you're reasonably confident in your knowledge of the subject, that confidence will help you to stay calm and in control even if you unexpectedly find yourself being put on the spot.

Never guess the answer - If you don't know the answer, be honest and say so. Even experts in their field are stumped by a question sometimes. Don't try to make an answer up. There's a good chance you'll get caught out and this could seriously impact on your self-confidence later. Confidently explain that you don't know the answer and make sure you agree a time when you can contact the person subsequently to provide the answer.

Try to relax - it's easy to say but perhaps not so easy to do. At least if you try to relax, you've got a chance. If you don't, you'll look and feel more stressed. You'll have more control of your voice, you'll feel calmer and you'll be able to think more clearly. Taking deep breaths while the person is asking you the question can also really help here.

Listen carefully - listening properly and attentively requires an effort. Some people forget this. You should be trying as hard when you're listening as you are when you're talking. It's obvious that you'll struggle to think on your feet if you aren't listening properly to the question. 

Don't interrupt the person; firstly because it's rude and secondly because, if you reply too soon, you may well give a wrong or inappropriate answer.

Ask the person to repeat the question - This gives you those vital few seconds to think about your response. Try to be confident when you do this. Don't let your body language give away the fact that you're unsure of the answer. If your body language is positive and confident, the person will 'read' your request positively, i.e. they'll have the perception that you want to help by making sure you understand the question properly.

Repeat the question yourself (out loud) - This gives you time to think and to clarify exactly what's being asked. Sometimes the person will reply and clarify their question after you've repeated it - that creates even more time for you. If you don't feel that the question is clear, have the confidence to ask for clarification. Again, if you do this confidently, it will be received positively because the person sees that you genuinely want to give a qualified answer.

Pause - Don't be afraid to pause before you answer. People who lack confidence really struggle to cope with silence. They feel exposed and their natural defence is to fill it - normally without thinking about how they're filling it. Then, before they know it, they've said something they wished they hadn't. Confident people can use silence to their advantage. If you think about it - it's totally understandable that you should think about your answer before you give it; so a short silence shouldn't be unusual. If you look comfortable with silence and use it confidently, you'll send the message that you're in control of your thoughts and confident in your ability to answer. Critically of course, you also create more time to think.

Don't waffle - Once you understand the question clearly, make sure you stick to the point. Your answer should be specific and focused. If you're perceived as a waffler, the person may well start to lose interest - once you see this happening, your self-confidence is going to suffer. When you've finished giving your answer, resist the temptation to add more information. There may well be a silence after you've finished. Don't make the common mistake of feeling the onus is on you to fill it with more information! You'll lose control of the conversation if your answer starts to drift.

So, in summary; don't jump in and give a knee-jerk reaction when someone puts you on the spot. Act calmly and take your time before you answer. There's nothing wrong with saying you don't know, as long as you go back to them with an answer later.

Good Luck!
Mike

Do you sometimes feel inferior to others?

I find that one of the main reasons people feel inferior and lack self-confidence is that they see around them a completely different world to the real one. They see the world as a place where everyone else is superior to them. They make the assumption that other people have more authority than them and that others' rights prevail above theirs.

It may well be the case that some people are more 'senior' to you in terms of position or rank. However, this does not mean that they are 'superior' to you in the sense that their rights and needs are more important.

Confident people don't think like this - they treat everyone the same, regardless of rank or seniority. Of course, they show the appropriate degree of respect to seniors but they don't change their behaviour. People who feel inferior tend to lose sight of this. They forget that senior people have no 'rights' over you, even though, particularly in a work environment, they may have a degree of 'power' over you in terms of your role and responsibilities.

So, try to remember that you are on a par with everyone else. Be professional and polite and try to treat everyone the same. Approach a senior person with the confidence you would approach a peer.

I wouldn't be surprised if you're thinking that's easier said than done - After all, it's natural to feel a little daunted by the prospect of treating people who are senior to you as equals. It's actually not that difficult - but it does require mental preparation. 

The following exercise should help -

Try to think forward to the next time you might find yourself working or socialising with a group of people, some of whom are senior in some respect to you. Prepare yourself to treat them differently to the way you might normally; whereas you used to treat them according to your perception of their authority in relation to you, now you will treat each of them as an equal. You will do this for everyone, even the people who are more 'senior' to you in terms of position. Don't worry; this won't be a problem as long as you're polite and respectful at all times.

You'll need to prepare before it happens though. Spend a few minutes on your own thinking about your approach; try to psyche yourself up, just like you would before a sporting match or competition. See it as a challenge.

You'll be amazed at how this simple concept can transform your sense of inferiority into a feeling of equality. You'll also be pleasantly surprised at the more positive way people respond to you, even the more senior people, perhaps even the top dogs!



In another situation I've experienced, the inferiority issue was ugliness. I was coaching a person who thought she was ugly. Over the years, more and more, she'd managed to convince herself that she was ugly. Because she was so set in her mind regarding her self-perception, she then made the assumption that peoples' behaviour towards her always suggested that they thought she was ugly (when in fact they weren't thinking anything of the kind).

The ridiculous thing was that to me, she seemed very attractive! I had to be careful how I told her this though!

Good Luck!
Have a good week.
Mike